The Good, The Bad, and The Depraved — Embracing your inner life through therapy

George Costanza, Michael Scott, and Liz Lemon: the most beloved sitcom characters are highly flawed. They are selfish, greedy, lazy, and of course, self-destructive. And we love them for it.

What makes these characters so lovable? They certainly don’t behave in admirable ways. George Costanza fakes a disability so he can have his own private bathroom at work. He longs for “The Summer of George,” which means months of lounging, watching tv, and eating cheese. Michael Scott openly shows favoritism to his “coolest” employee, Ryan. And Liz Lemon turns herself into “the Joker” villain just to get seating on a New York City subway. 

We love watching others behave badly (to a degree) and unapologetically expose their depravities. When we laugh at George’s commitment to “The Summer of George,” we acknowledge that the desire to sometimes do nothing is familiar to us. We love George for showing this desire proudly, and we laugh and cheer for him, while quietly thinking, “at least I’m not the only one.”

Though we can love and cheer for George, it’s much harder for us to feel comfortable with the less than valiant, moral, or pretty parts of our psyches. Yes, we often fall short, or can even think, feel, and act in ways that are completely opposite of our ideal selves.

There’s a principle in psychoanalytic therapy: the point of therapy is to not just make “the unconscious conscious,” as Freud initially thought; it also requires changing the patient’s conviction that what has been made conscious is shameful. In therapy, patients have an opportunity to put words to their alleged flaws and misdeeds, and identify the parts of themselves that feel ugly, depraved or shameful. When the therapist listens and responds with acceptance, patients can reflect upon themselves and begin to take ownership over, and perhaps even embrace, previously detested parts of their psyches. 

It’s important to note that the aforementioned approach does not mean the therapist encourages George Costanza to continue faking disabilities. It means that the therapist helps George describe the parts of himself that drove him to that action. And with an understanding and acceptance of those parts, George can develop greater agency to choose how to act, and ultimately live.

But what happens if a patient doesn’t quite have the words to describe the detested parts of themselves? They will likely make an appearance in the therapy room. The patient and therapist may begin to play out these different parts in their relationship. For instance, the patient may feel that they must always be “productive.” Perhaps this was the most reliable way of getting their parents’ attention or affection as a child. As a result, the patient’s desire to just be and enjoy a moment is exiled to the depths of the unconscious. In therapy, this patient may become frustrated if the therapist asks them to slow down so they can feel and be present, and even think the therapist is not doing a good job.

When the therapist and patient can notice together how difficult slowing down is, it can be a valuable and captivating experience. The therapist and patient can discuss how it feels to be “unproductive” and how this makes the patient feel towards themselves as well as towards the therapist. Perhaps the patient will feel that they are failing at therapy, or that the therapist is an uncaring underachiever. The therapist can put words to the drama that’s unfolding live in the room, perhaps adding in some humor about their disappointing productivity metrics. 

In some sense, the patient temporarily casts the therapist as a “depraved” character. If the therapist can recognize they’ve been cast in this role and can withstand the accusation that they are not productive enough, the therapist can then speak on behalf of this character. Perhaps the character also wishes to feel free of demands and to be appreciated for just being present. And the character tries to remind the patient to take breaks and enjoy themselves – without feeling badly about doing so. This type of ongoing conversation between the therapist, the patient, and the depraved character can enable the patient to tolerate, accept, and perhaps even come to like, all of their internal characters. Instead of spending energy on hating or repressing parts of themselves, the patient can free up energy to live with meaning and joy.

1 - McWilliams, Nancy. Psychoanalytic Diagnosis, Second Edition (p. 307). Guilford Press. Kindle Edition.

Irene Yancher, PsyD is a clinical psychologist in private practice in San Francisco. She has written articles about mental health for TechCrunch and The Huffington Post. You can read her other articles on the PsiAN Forum and at www.medium.com/@livpsy.